My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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