i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your cock deserves a montage
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
