I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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