the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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