How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
