i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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