he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
