Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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