Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
