I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
