i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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