Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
