My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
