dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
