I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
