You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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