the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
