It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
