she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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