In the future we'll all be gay
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pants are for mortals
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize