I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
