I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
