Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
