Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize