i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize