none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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