i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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