for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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