just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
