Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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