There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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