Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
