Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
