Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I want to be your penis for a week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
