Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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