I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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