After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
