Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
third nipple confirmed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
