Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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