dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
