So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my vagina is haunted
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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