cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
