just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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