I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize