Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
