I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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