Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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