I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
