she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
