I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
