Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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