so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
