definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
