Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
