You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
