Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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