theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
