So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
