this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize