Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
