did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
