glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
