my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize