WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
