I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
